I'm done.

I'm sorry to break it to you guys.
I really am.
I never post anything like this, I always think it's too childish. This time I'm throwing my concerns out the window, and finally putting it out there.
I don't know what to do right now, and my emotions are so welled up inside me, so I don't think I can hide it any more.

I just feel... Done with this site. The community. I can't take it. I was an idiot to think working to get myself popular on this site would be worth it. People copy my art. People beg for points, then insult me when I say no. People consistently ignore what I say, and go on to ask stupid questions, or questions they could google themselves, or get confused when I do something because they didn't take the time to read why I'm doing it instead of asking me. And that's not all of it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all.

As soon as I posted the giveaway, the stress packed on immensely. Everything came together. All the stupid questions and unjustified insults and uncaring and begging piled up and up and up, to the point where any normal teenager might start physically hurting themselves. For me, doing something like that doesn't relieve any pain, doesn't make me feel numb, it would only make me feel worse. It's pointless for me. And now that it's all happening, only one thing is on my mind - get away. I thought being away at my sister's wedding would help, and would act as a break. As I've found out after coming home today, breaks don't help solve the issue. As soon as I sit down to start checking my messages again, it all comes back. Even if I take a 2 month hiatus, it won't fix anything.

I know this sounds stupid, I'm just a whiny teenager, it's really nothing compared to the things some people get. I know I'm not perfect. I'm FAR from perfect.

But hey, guess what?

I'm weak. I don't fucking care if I haven't got it that bad, that doesn't discount the pain that's built up. I'm weak and I've always known it, I can't handle people well. Messages sit in my inbox, nice ones and nasty ones, just rotting because I don't know how to reply. I thought talking online was easy compared to real life, I was wrong. It's just as hard. No matter how many nice comments I get, the nasty ones always leave the biggest scars, and it would be fine if I could just block anyone who made me feel upset, but oftentimes it's because I'm paranoid or I misunderstood them or it's actually just rude to block them. I always have to say something before I go that route. And that's the hardest thing to do.

When I was out, travelling to my sister's wedding, I felt really happy, it was weird. Everything looked so beautiful, the landscapes, the thought of fleeing into the mountains and exploring, living out amongst it, perhaps with a wee cottage, doing freelance for a living, comfortable, seeing my family. I wished I'd remembered my camera, the hills were so orange, the colourful autumn trees blended perfectly. Even when the weather was stormy, everything had such a glow to it. I wasn't worrying about talking to people. I was just happy to see how amazingly untouched everything was.

I need to think about what comes next in life. Obviously I'm not happy with what I'm doing right now.

I reckon, right now, I'll finish the giveaway, finish the commissions I owe, and quieten down. I don't know where to go next, so I'll probably keep posting art here. BUT, and it's a BIG BUT. I think I'm going to stop being so courteous. If I'm staying here, then I'm going to be happy here. I'll still talk to friends, but I'll probably stop replying to pretty much everything else. If someone rude comes by, I won't talk to them, if they keep it up, I'll block them. If beggars come by, I'll block them. It's a weak and greedy way to present myself, but I don't care any more. Maybe it'll inspire some others to set their own limits? I know I'm DEFINITELY not the only one with this problem. I'm only one of hundreds of thousands. I guess this feels like a big deal to myself, at least, since I don't post vent stuff often, let alone something as big and stupid as this.

I always say, as long as someone is enjoying themself, they can do whatever they want (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone (unless they deserve it, I suppose, haha)).

The funny thing is, I've almost never followed this rule myself.

This stops now.